I want to ride on a white horse...

Hello, chickies! In an effort to get back into blogging, I've decided to start recapping my favoritest of TV shows, Project Runway. So now, as the Shear Genius credits roll and I watch the show for the second time... here we go!

Previously on Project Runway: models are stupid, Suede thinks he is the shit, judges agree (incorrectly), Wesley McShortshorts is out!

Designers wake up, Stella continues to somehow be both annoying and the most entertaining person on the show. I'm still not sure how that's possible.

Model selection: DRAMA DRAMA INTENSE MUSIC... just kidding Suede sticks with Suede's model. Stella is wearing an Ed Hardy hoodie as the designers wait for Tim to fetch them. Shame on you, Stella. Ed Hardy is only marginally more rock n' roll than Juicy Couture. And now in comes Tim in a stylish shortie trench... to make the designers put on matching ponchos and rain boots. Oh, Tim. Is this part of your master plan to look classier and more genteel than every human being on the planet?

The designers board a double-decker bus with the company's name prominently displayed on the side. Kudos, Weinsteins! How much money are you making off this? They are dropped off in small groups to take pictures at several very New York locations: Columbus Circle, pretty much the closest thing to a mall Manhattan has; Times Square, the highest concentration of non-New Yorkers in New York; the Public Library, aka WHERE CARRIE ALMOST GOT MARRIED; and Greenwich Village, aka my stomping grounds. Oh look, the WaMu on the corner of Sixth and Fourth!

Stella and Blayne banter. Then, Kenley and Stella bitch about Keith. Well, not really, but the editors have clearly decided that this is the closest thing to drama that they're going to get out of this cast, so we get subtitles! Woohoo!

So during the commercial, I'm now going to ruminate on the past couple episodes... sit back and enjoy! Thus far, I'm really not that impressed. I mean, I know it's early in the season, but though the general lack of incompetence so far is encouraging, there aren't really any super standouts for me. I mean, I was prepared to like Wes because he's a friend of a friend (the connection's much more complicated, but this simplified version will suffice for now), but he went and got his ass kicked off already, so now I have no one to gravitate towards. Le sigh. So far I really like Terri and Kenley, though. Kenley totally should have won last week, and Terri should have been in the top three both of the past two weeks.

OKAY OMG BACK. The designers pick photos. Largely... blurry photos of neon things. Because that is NEW YORK. Life! Color! Movement! These are words that come to mind when you think of New York... if you are from a small town in Iowa. Cutes. First trip to Mood! Emily heads for silk chiffon. Emily's bangs really, really bother me. They almost seem like she doesn't want bangs because of their impracticality, but has some sort of unsightly scar on her upper forehead she has to cover up, and so she has to compromise with herself. I will keep an eye out for this scar for the rest of the episode.

Terri appears to be comforting Leanne with what seems to be no instigation. She runs into the sewing room and hugs her... for no real reason. Damn you, Bravo editors, give us some continuity! And while you're at it, take Blayne off the crack! He's starting to scare the other designers!

Emily describes her dress. She talks about her issues. Kenley is worried for her. Oooooh boy. Someone's getting either the winner edit or (more likely) the loser edit. Stella was inspired by a horse's harness. Why? Obviously because she likes... *drum roll*... bestiality! I mean leather. Definitely leather.

Commercial, then Tim time! Tim is worried about time. This is not news. Daniel's hair bothers me. This is also not news. It, like the rest of him, looks like he cares about it very much, so much that he's scared it and it's shivering. Tim throws out many common Tim words. "Costumey." "Statement." "Overworked." "Holla at your boy." Wait... one of these things is not like the other!

More designing happens, Keith's model has been in a bicycle accident... or maybe she quit. What is with these models and their lack of dependability? Also, why is Keith allowed to say "shite" on television? Designer panic, designer panic, no one is ready, and now, it's runway time!

Sandra Bernhard? Love her dearly, but who the hell told her that she could judge design?

Keith: Oh dear. When he said it had shape, he apparently meant Cousin It's shape.
Blayne: Um... well, he's not boring Nina. On the downside, it looks like Carmen Miranda puked on his dress.
Joe: I like, sort of. A fairly simple (but cute) dress that looks vaguely bondage- and/or Spiderman-inspired.
Emily: Apparently Emily's edgy style translates into pulling out her model's large intestine (what could she need it for, eating? Yeah right.) and safety-pinning it to the front of her otherwise completely unremarkable black dress. Do not want.
Leanne: Cute! Structured but not overworked! I like!
Jennifer: Come ON, Jennifer! You say your aesthetic is "Holly Golightly goes to a Salvador Dali exhibit," use a CLOCK as your inspiration, and still turn out a dress that appears to be made for a pregnant senior citizen. What the HELL?
Jerell: Um... I think Tila Tequila might wear this to a formal event. It looks well-made, but that flamenco dancer hemline is just SO hard to make classy rather than hoochie.
Kelli: Well, it's very well-made, but it appears to be two looks eating each other. How unfortunate.
Daniel: I like the dress, but oh my god his MODEL. I hate her! Ahhh! Also, she looks fat. Not sure if that's her fault or the dress's.
Kenley: A very cool shape, but I can't decide if I'm a fan of the print or not. And the tulle is... interesting. Hmm.
Suede: Suede comments on how the judges might find Suede's design too abstract. Suede made a sleeveless shirtdress with a big collar. Sam doesn't quite see anything abstract about Suede's shirtdress unless bedazzling is now considered abstract.
Stella: Leather pants, leather vest. Original.
Korto: Black jumpsuit. Nicely tailored, but YAWN.
Terri: Ooh... I like her pants, and the back of the dress is cute, but the front just reminds me of elementary school art class, where we'd wear donated fathers' dress shirts backwards as smocks.

In the end, Kenley, Terri, and Leanne are the top three and Keith, Emily, and Jennifer are the bottom. Hmm. About a third of that is unexpected. The judges rave about Kenley's, which I kind of get, because it is actually very cute upon further inspection, but it still doesn't scream "WEAR ME!" to me. Maybe this is because it's a dress, and I don't wear dresses. Often. Anyway... Terri's odd Celine Dion-inspired dress (backwards tux? Anyone? Anyone?) also gets raves, and Sandra Bernhard makes a comment about how the girl wearing the outfit might be followed into a dark alley and then pull out a knife and threaten her mugger. This concept apparently appeals to her. Is it because she's a lesbian? The world may never know.

Anyway, Leanne's fabulous little blouse and skirt that looks like a dress is hot hot hot and the judges love it. Heidi says she would wear it (although we all know she'd have the dress shortened six inched before she came anywhere NEAR it). It is my pick for the win. As for the bottom three... well, actually, I don't care, because Keith's is bad, but not nearly bad enough to get sent home, and the other two are boring boring boring. I think it's very telling that when it came down to the two of them and tense music played, I didn't give a flying fuck which one of them went home, because neither has made anything that I've liked much or hated much. B-O-R-I-N-G.

In the end, Kenley is the winner (which I don't agree with, but don't totally hate, because she's awesome and I have a homocrush on her and she should have won last week) and Emily is out. Finally we get rid of one of the little hipster nerdgirls! I'm one step closer to being able to tell them apart. Now we just have to get rid of Jennifer and they'll only be one mousy brunette left!

Next week: Stuff happens. Arguing. Field trip!

Ciao, bellas!